I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize