They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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