Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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