you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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