the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
