Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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