If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
