I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
