were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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