I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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