Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
