I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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