Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
