please come you make the beer taste better
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
