I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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