I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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