Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
