That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
