My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
