If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
