Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
