I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
