So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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