So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
