3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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