bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
