i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
