I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
