that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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