Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
