I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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