some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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