Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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