So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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