Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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