so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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