i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
