Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
