I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize