i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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