HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
