apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
