I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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