i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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