i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
