From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
