afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize