i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize