That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
