Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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