Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize