We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
