Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
