STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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