I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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