it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
