I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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