To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
