last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
