You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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