I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
