I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
