so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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