He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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