I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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