we're chasing vodka with high fives
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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