I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
