we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
