woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
