Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
