Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
