your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize