there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
